On Monday afternoon, two grown men with nicknames met with Cleveland Browns owner Randy Lerner to serve as fan representatives in voicing discontent regarding the current state of the Browns organization. "Dawg Pound Mike" Mike Randall of Massillon and Tony "Mobile [Wheelchair] Dawg" Schafer were equipped with thier best Sunday, um, Bone Hat to meet with the millionaire banking CEO and professional sports team owner, who has come under fire in recent months due to the poor play of his football (not futbol) team.

With great enthusiasm, Mike was happy to report that his two-hour meeting was a success; that the fans' voices have been heard and the Cleveland Browns Stadium will look in to taking measures allowing fans to scream, shout and stand all they want! And "if somebody tells you to sit down, you call the Jerkline on THEM!" Oh, yes. Anyone who has surpassed puberty, let that last line sink in. Because as all Browns fans know, this is a primary concern of ours. Fans are forced to pay for PSLs? Oh, that's no problem. A beer costs more than the total number of wins the Browns can muster in a season -- or the total number of points they can score in a game for that matter? Yeah, nobody cares about that either -- so long as we can stand and shout all we want every time the Browns score those 9 points a game!!! Oh, and by the way, Mike let us know that Randy Lerner is also "very upset" about the team's poor performance. Or something.

But, no worries, "the strike" is still on! Pay for your PSL's, pay for your (pre)season tickets, pay for the concessions, pay for the parking, pay for everything you're asked to pay for, just don't sit in your seat for kickoff. Instead, just hang out behind the mezzanine and play the "who looks like the biggest jackass in a dog mask and pajama pants" game. Or the "ruin your credit score but still reap the rewards of this sweet ass Browns helmet beach towel" relay race.

Of course, many of you may be asking "well, dick, what have you done?" Well, dear reader, my answer is simple. Nothing. Not a damned thing. And by nothing, I mean I haven't given the Randy Lerner a cent of my hard-earned money since the Pittsburgh/Browns Christmas Eve debacle. In fact, I refuse to do so until I see positive results on the field. More importantly, I haven't acted as an embarassment to millions of Browns fans around the globe by misrepresenting them as adults dressed in costumes sixteen to twenty days a year voicing disgust with issues that most of us couldn't care less about.

To make matters even more irritating, I'm not even 100% sold that the media blitz by these two yahoos is a compassionate public service -- instead, this atrocity reeks of publicity stunt from both parties involved. First, this clown Mike is out there whoring his website (as so beautifully marketed on his ridiculous hat) to perhaps make a few sales of his BBQ sauce or "tailgating gear" that looks like it's straight out of a Dr. Seuss book. On the other end of the spectrum we have Randy Lerner who looks like a hero by giving fans the opportunity to voice there opinions. After all, everybody knows that all the hardball questions come from a grown man wearing Mardi Gras beads or a senile-looking fuddy duddy that doesn't appear to say anything at all.

Some fans may be buying this garbage, and the media is surely eating it up, but I am nowhere near on-board. I mean, I've been laughing at how stupid Raiders fans look for years -- but now, these two as well as every Browns fan they represent are the butt of the joke. Next time you decide to stage a coup, Cleveland, let's go with someone at least respectable as opposed to some nincompoops that only paint thinner-huffing seniors in high school can get behind.